Stop Waiting!

I loved yesterday's reading. It was exactly what I needed to read and ponder.  It was all about taking action NOW, not later.  My life will never be steady and calm.  There is rarely a "right" time, and certainly never a "perfect" time.  I can make excuses about what I am waiting for, but they are just that - excuses.  The truth is, I have everything I need to live my best life right now, because I am alive. That's it!  I breathe and I am living, and those are the only tools I really need.  Everything else is just gravy.

Waiting for tomorrow to do what I really want to do, or need to do, is silly.  Tomorrow never comes...there is only today.  I have to start living, really living, right now.

We can stop waiting for life to become perfect and start working with what we've got to make it as satisfying as we can.  We can accept, bless, give thanks, and get going. Today we can begin to call forth the riches from our everyday life.  Today we can move from lack to abundance. - Sarah Ban Breathnach

Today, today, today!  I am going to do something that will make me happy today.  I'm going to do something that I have been putting off.  This is life, this is my stage.  I only get this one chance to do it right and make the most of each moment.  Most of us are acting as if this life is only the dress rehearsal. 

It's not. 

What am I waiting for?  I have the power to create something amazing of myself and my life.  I really, really do!  I know this, but I need to live like I know it...

If you everyday life seems poor, don't blame it; blame yourself; admit to yourself that you are not enough of a poet to call forth its riches; because for the creator there is not poverty and no poor indifferent place. - Rainer Maria Rilke

Grats:
1. Ginger snaps.  So very, very yummy!
2. My comfy bed.  I am longing to be in it right now.
3. The homeschool community in Las Vegas.  It's huge and pretty awesome!
4. Reading the Bible each day.  What a difference it makes in my life.  I am seeing things with new eyes.
5. This journey.  I LOVE 2011 so far, and I am excited to see where the year will take me.

"Drama-free" Zone

Yesterday's reading was about letting go of life's dramas and trying to live a life-path of joy.  I have to wonder...do I thrive on drama?

It's not like it wouldn't be something of a family characteristic.  *ahem*  Am I consciously (or unconsciously) summoning drama into my life?  Do I believe that I deserve to live in a drama-free zone?  Because, when I am really honest, I have a hard time believing that I deserve anything good.  It's not exactly that I feel I deserve bad things in life, but I have this sense of "why me" when it comes to good things.  Aren't there other people that deserve it more??  Hmmm....

Can I turn away, guilt-free, from the drama that people try to shove off on me?  I am a "fixer" by nature.  I always want to help everyone out of their problems.  But how often do I actually help?  I have a sneaking suspicion that I end up taking other people's drama home with me.

I have lots of things to think about, but I am 100% certain that I want to live a peaceful, drama-free life.  I want my home and my family (at least my immediate family) to be a drama-free zone.  It's clear that I have to create it.  Learning to appreciate the simple things in life, feeling grateful for what I already have, and seeking beauty and harmony in my day-to-day life are good beginning steps.

Grats (for two days):

1. The anniversary of my 1st date with Lonnie.  It was yesterday (the 19th).  I wonder how different my life would be, but feel incredibly grateful that everything happened the way it did.
2. Homeschooling my kids.  I never get tired of it and I am always amazed at what we learn, and how we grow as a family.
3. Nature study.  This is an extension of homeschooling...but it's my absolute favorite part of our week.
4. Springs Preserve.  This place is *so* cool.  It's beautiful and like an escape from the ugly Mojave desert.  I love it!
5. My friends. Near and far, I love every person who has come into my life and made it special.
6. Coffee with creamer.  It's the perfect start to my day.
7. Morning sunshine streaming through the windows.  There is just something special about early morning sunshine...I can't describe it.
8. Scented candles.  I love the way they smell, the way they look, and the general feeling of ambiance that they create.
9. Morning snuggles.  Zoey is the only one who still really cuddles with me each morning.  I am cherishing every moment and wondering how long it will last.
10. Pajama pants - Enough said!  :-)

Fending off Chaos

I have been extremely busy over the last week. Between juggling my life (including homeschooling my kids), the reading I am doing, and private journaling...I haven't had a lot of time to blog.  Still, I seem to have thoughts pouring out of my brain and no place to put them.  I would journal them all, but after so many years of typing all my thoughts out, I have noticed my hand cramps terribly when I write too much!  OUCH!

Anyway, my thoughts have been focused on gratitude and noticing the little gifts that life offers on a daily basis.  Some days this is easier than others.  We all have bad days when it takes focus to feel thankful for anything.  Well, I hope we all do, but maybe it's just me.  ;-)

In addition to trying to notice the little things, I am also trying to organize my life in a way that simplifies it and allows me to notice the simple things. Chaos detracts from the everyday beauty that surrounds us.  It's easy to let life slip into chaos, I've noticed.  It seems if I am not ever vigilant, my home and thoughts turn into disarray, and I have little tolerance for it.

I have been underlining and making tons of notes in my copy of Simple Abundance.  There are new books I want to read and quotes that I want to tuck away into my heart, as spiritual gems.  I underlined most of the reading from January 16th, and it featured strongly in my personal journal.  I want to share a few of Sarah's thoughts (maybe mine too):

Begin to think of order not as a strait-jacket of 'shoulds' (make the bed, wash the dishes, take out the garbage) but as a shape - the foundation - for the beautiful new life you are creating. [...] There is a Divine Order - a Sublime Order - inherent in the Universe.  We can tap into this powerful source of creative energy when we are willing to gradually cultivate a sense of order as to how we conduct our daily lives.

What a powerful thought!  I do believe that God has created order in all things.  I am meant to have some sense of that order in my own life.  It just makes sense!  From a metaphysical standpoint (Feng shui, if you will), it also makes sense that energy does not flow well in a chaotic environment.  Peaceful energy needs harmony to exist.

I am working on creating that harmony in my home, as well as within my soul.  Cleaning up and organizing my home is the easy part, when I really think about it.  It's the junk cluttering up my spiritual space that will be hard to deal with.  Past hurts and grievances I like to hold onto, steps I have been unwilling to take, truths I still need to accept.  Yep, there is lots of work to be done on me!  I guess it's time to take out the trash, sweep up, and make things sparkle.


Grats:
1. My new homeschooling schedule.  It rocks and has made my days flow beautifully over the past week.  Woo hoo!
2. My dog!  He is so stinking cute and it makes me happy when he curls up beside me on the sofa.
3. My kids.  I am thankful for them every day, but today I feel especially thankful.  They played outside for several hours and it was a joy watching them bike around and enjoy life.
4. Good food.  We had bratwurst and salad for dinner and brats are one of my favorites.  Nom, nom, nom!
5. Shakespeare.  I love it all.  We are about to read "Macbeth" and hopefully see a live performance in a few weeks.  It makes my heart happy and sends chills up and down my spine.

Nothing is Set in Stone

Nothing is set in stone, until it is.  We have our entire lives to change the course of our destiny.

Old cemeteries remind us that until it is carved in stone, realizing out heart's desire is possible every day if we recognize what it is that makes us happy. -Sarah Ban Breathnach

Life is fluid.  We have the ability to change our minds, bodies, and our outlooks, literally, until the moment we die.  Why then, do I always feel so stuck in old patterns?  Most of the time I feel like I am simply coping with my life.  I get up and complete the same tasks each day, hardly noticing a difference between one day to the next.  They run together, one after another....a succession of seemingly bland and boring days.

I've lost my zest for life.  It's what flavors each day and makes it unique.  Even the most ordinary day!

...We can no longer afford to throw away even one 'unimportant' day by not noticing the wonder of it all.  We have to be willing to discover and then appreciate the authentic moments of happiness available to all of us every day. - SBB

How does one recapture this joie de vivre - the zest for life?  That's what I am on a journey to discover.  I know a large part of it is simply opening my eyes.  If today was my last day on earth, what would I notice?  What simple things would bring me pleasure?

The warm, fragrant bodies of my children when they hug me first thing in the morning...

The softness of my husband's kiss...

The feel of the satin sheets on my bed...

The smell of my morning coffee...

The feel of a good book in my hands...

Let's open our eyes to the simple joy and beauty that surrounds us.  Take it all in...savor the moment.  Hold it in your heart always.

It's time for us to discover the secrets of the stars, to sail to an uncharted land, to open up a new heaven where our spirits can soar.  But first we'll have make changes.  And lasting change does not happen overnight.  Lasting change happens in infinitesimal  increments: a day, an hour, a minute, a heartbeat at a time. - SBB

Inner Joy

I am still lingering mentally on the Simple Abundance reading from January 8th.  It was about happiness that comes from within, or as I like to call it, my "inner joy."

It's easy to feel joyful when things are going well in my life (as it is for all of us), but I know that what I am feeling is more like euphoria; it's a temporary high.  Most of us spend all of our time trying to create that same kind of happiness, so we can feel that euphoria again.  We chase more money, more things, a better relationship, food...all the things we think will make us happy.

Only, they don't.

I discovered a few years back that true joy, for me, comes from the Lord.  Words fail to describe it.  As long as I am tapped into my creator on a daily basis, I am drinking from a spring that never runs dry.

I realize not everyone is a believer, but as Sarah says in the book, "Happiness that the world cannot take away only flourishes in the secret garden of our souls."  I believe with all of my heart that our souls know the secret of true happiness.

My focus for this week, for this month, for this year is to remember to tap into that joy.  I will work on reminding myself to fill up every day until I am overflowing.  When I am overflowing with God's love and presence, when my joy is true and not simply eternal, then I can handle what life throws my way.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

Discovering the Questions

I have been reading "Simple Abundance" for a week now.  I have already taken many things from it, and I am faithfully recording my thoughts in an actual journal, but I wanted to have this outlet as well.  Some things are too personal to share, so they will remain private, but other thoughts are things I want to share and receive feedback on. 

The reading from January 2nd, about loving the questions, is still lingering with me.  Sarah talks about loving the questions that will lead to an authentic life.  But what if you have been living so much for other people that you don't even know the questions any more?  I am in a place where I have to discover what the questions are, before I can love them.

I have been playing the role of the patient martyr a little too well.  I sacrifice my time, my talents, and my dreams for my family.  Not only has that robbed me of joy and left me feeling bitter and used, but I am depriving the world of what I have to offer.

Ugh.  I am afraid that sounded terribly arrogant, but I don't mean it to sound that way.  I am not implying I have something extraordinary to offer the world, but I do believe I have a purpose for which I was created.  I have talents suited to that purpose.  I guess the questions are:

What is my purpose?

What talents do I possess that can make that happen?

What is holding me back?

What does my purpose-filled life look like?

Hmmm...